Random Shallow Thoughts, 13.

I hope that one day we will live in a world free of budayawans who listen to jazz, read Kahlil Gibran, and name their children in sanskrit.

If thou must covet thy neighbour’s wife, a pair of binoculars and a comfortable spot on the genteng sure come in handy.  Uh-huh.

If you cannot be happy on your own, you will never be happy with someone else.

You know you're old when you can remember watching five versions of Alphaville's video "Big in Japan".  On Betamax pula.

Aspirations?  Gregory House.  Reality?  George Costanza.

You know you work in advertising when your profile picture is Photoshopped to death.  Not that it ever helps. So, like, just give up why don't you.

I don't care what they say, revenge brings comfort.  If it doesn't, it means you just didn’t pull it off properly.

Either that, or you ain’t a Capricorn.

Typical Responses You Receive If You Are Idiotic Enough To Tell People You Design Clothing For A Living, #37: The Fashion Designer Response: You won't get one.  Fashion designers are much too jaim, insecure, and neurotic to even acknowledge there is another fashion designer in the room.

The happiest people on earth?  Those guys on Mythbusters. 

“To determine how a person really is, don't read the testimonials on her profile.  Read the ones she has written for others.” - Rini Soka

Never, ever, subscribe to someone else's definition of happiness.  You know whats right for you, and its your own skin you have to live in.

Live in Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you start wearing yellow "Live Strong" bracelets and carry a "This is Not a Plastic Bag" bag without having a fucking clue what its all about.

Real men exfoliate.

When my mom was young, she said she would marry any man who could take her around the world several times.  And that, she did.  When she met my father, she was a highschool english teacher and my dad delivered the newspaper to her house.  Hey, if that ain’t foresight, I dunno what is. :)

Speak softly and carry a spring-loaded tactical baton.

If, out of the blue, a female friend who normally wouldn’t even give you the time of day suddenly contacts you, bet on one of two things:  Either she just had a baby, or is expecting one.

You know you’re a “Bule With a Mission” if you cannot resist drawing parallels between shadow puppets, Javanese animist beliefs, and the political situation in Indonesia while boring dinner guests with pseudo-intellectual takes on current affairs.

I remember the first time me and my brother and sister tried eating rice with our hands.  We looked like rejects out of "Quest for Fire".

With a few notable exceptions, generally a person's level of respect for me is inversely proportional to the length of our acquaintance.

I think the idea that one should quit smoking to extend his or her life is stupid.  Hey, I'd gladly give up two years off the tail-end of my life so I can enjoy Nasi Campur Kenanga every now and then. 

The difference is, I don't wanna go through life squirming in long meetings because I am dying for my next bite of samchan.  Neither do I wanna leave my house in my jammies at ungodly hours because I am out of chasiew.

If you are over the age of 30 and still have "Fancy Night" stories to tell... well...  I'm not even gonna *start* on that one...

The type of women who order vodka cruisers are the types who think they are bad-ass chicks because they have watched a midnight show at Sineplex 21.  And still manage to get to church on time the following morning.

Ever notice how the aforementioned women always post pictures of themselves at weddings at Hotel Mulia, posing with cousins or some “sis”?  GBU!

The first time I take a date to a wedding is usually a nervous moment for me.  I know I am gonna get into trouble for this, but I truly think that 90% of women are at their least attractive when dressed up for wedding receptions.

(Yes, that also explains why I hate designing evening gowns.)

In the end, life unfolds pretty much any which way it damn well pleases.  Whether we like it or not.

Does God exist?  I certainly hope so.  After all, wouldn't it be such a shame if centuries of war, violence, and hatred were all committed in the name of... a mass delusion?  Oh we certainly wouldn’t want that, would we?

Ever noticed how characters on TV always tilt their heads sideways when watching porn?  Exactly what anatomical part becomes more clear by viewing it slanted anyways?

I think the real reason why Indonesians do Pre-Wedding photography is because they realize how horrible and stressed-out they will look on the wedding day itself.

Live in Jakarta once in your life.   Leave before you start coming to Bandung for weekends, wear your hotel slippers to stupid tourist cafes with your sunglasses perched on your noggin, talk decibels louder than everyone else, swagger around like you own the place, and think those frickin’ brownies are actually good. “Yo’i, jek.”

And you know whats even worse?  You can always tell exactly which tables are the MRA chicks, the advertising hipsters, the cap-and-sneaker-wearing EOs, or the distro-wearing PH guys.

Did you know that you can lead a cow to go upstairs, but it cannot go downstairs?  Hey, that sounds like a cool idea for a prank...

We all die alone.  Even if we have children, we all die alone.  If you think they would join you, then you are seriously overestimating their love.

Sushi Groove:  Where to go if you don't actually like sushi but would like to look as if you do.

When kissing someone for the first time, always manage a quick peek to check if she has her eyes closed. If they are wide open, start worrying.

I am proud to say that I have never finished reading a Haruki Murakami novel. God knows I tried, though.  Oh man, does God ever know I tried...

I listen to bands that aren't even on Wikipedia yet.  Man, its so hip its actually tragic.

My father once told me that we can marry anyone of our choosing, even the mbok pembantu if we wanted to, as long as it was truly based on love. Considering how none of us are married by now, this is definite proof to the theory that children will do the exact opposite of what their parents permit them to do.  :)

The internet can give someone a false sense of wisdom.  And even worse, a soapbox to stand on.  *cough cough*

Never get drunk before your employees do. And if your secretary is a hot babe, stick to orange juice.

Comments

[Henry]

Dude, Nasi Campur Kenanga EXTENDS life, not shortens it. So yeah, there is happiness without a catch

[Adrian]

Yeah wait til you need a triple bypass for all of that samchan.

[Uly]

"I hope that one day we will live in a world free of budayawans who listen to jazz, read Kahlil Gibran, and name their children in sanskrit."

Wakakakak.. Jadi inget waktu nonton film Abbas Kiarostami di Teater Utan Kayu, selepas nonton seorang "budayawan" berinisial ND yg duduk bersama gerombolan budayawan lainnya, komentar (dengan suara keras), "Manusia itu nggak hidup kalau belum nonton film Abbas Kiarostami" Gue yg lagi ngumpul2 sama temen2 wartawan di sebelahnya, jadi pengen ngakak sekaligus pengen nyambit. Soalnya, pas lagi nonton, Goenawan Mohamad aja ketiduran saking itu film emang berat banget. Gue sih lumayan bertahan sampai habis. Gengsi dong kalau ketahuan ketiduran di sarang intellectual snob gitu! Hahaha.. by the way, Adrian sebel banget sama budayawan dan FSRD. Ada history apa sih? Hihihi...

[Adrian]

Teater Utan Kayu. Hmmm. Thanks for giving me ideas for my next few blogs, Uly. *evil laugh*

[Hera]

"If, out of the blue, a female friend who normally wouldn’t even give you the time of day suddenly contacts you, bet on one of two things: Either she just had a baby, or is expecting one."

Nope. I bet she joins MLM. Happened to me couple of times.

[Adrian]

Excellent observation, completely agree with you, Hera. I've kinda used up my MLM cards... but its totally true.

[Lilianti]

If you cannot be happy on your own, you will never be happy with someone else.

..... next blog, I request the definition of happiness and ways to achieve it, please... :)

[Dean]

"MRA chicks, EOs, PH guys"?

I need a glossary. I guess I've been away from Indo too long!